Bram Boroson, Master of Subtle Ways and Straight (bram) wrote,
Bram Boroson, Master of Subtle Ways and Straight

Ed Bostonian and The Monster

So in physics class I'm covering basic kinematics. You know, constant acceleration:

x=x0+v0t + 1/2 a t2

This is the equation my old high school teacher, Ed Bostonian, used to call "The Monster." I've introduced it as that to my students, and it's caught on. They call it The Monster too!

Poor Mr. Bostonian!!!

About a decade before I took his class, he apparently had a moustache and dressed in checkered suits. As a result, he got the nickname "Gomez" from the students, after Gomez Addams from the Addams Family.

By the time I had physics from Mr. Bostonian, he'd shaved the moustache and ditched the suit, but he was still Gomez to the students. In the middle of class, you'd hear finger-snapping to the Addams Family theme... The yearbook was traditionally filled with "Gomez is Gay" senior quotes, but after astute yearbook editors started censoring that, the new quote was "YaG Si Zemog!" Poor guy! Stinkbombs were set off in his class. And he did that tacky comb-over thing with his bald spot.

He really liked physics, and he seemed by nature kind, which probably signalled to the students that he could be taken advantage of.

I did well in his class, though I was the only sophomore taking it. He sent one of those mid-term progress slips, one of the rare "positive" ones, and my Mom, being the proud Mom she is, used to keep it in her purse; it was something like: "Never before in these hallowed halls of Glen Rock have I encountered a student of such mathematical great-goodyness, such born-knowitallness in physics, etc. etc."

Most of the students were going through teen rebellion. I got along with a couple of other students who actually liked physics--Rich, who now teaches college economics, and Natalie, Russian, who I had a minor crush on.

I think Gomez's daughter came to visit class once, and everyone was on their best behavior--she was actually kind of pretty.

The biggest laugh was the day an equation worked out just perfectly and Mr. Bostonian turned to the class and said:

The Monster is Our Friend!

I think the whole class just lost it then! Everyone was like, "Whoah, Gomez has flipped! He's saying The Monster is Our Friend!"

Poor Mr. Bostonian. I think I last saw him early in my college career and the students had given him a few more nervous tics.

But in some way I'm sure he must be happy now that a generation of top-notch college students are friends with The Monster!

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